God is always working even when we don't feel He is there. A lot of times I don't know what He is up to but I know He is working out every single detail of my life. I am somehow amazed by the way people view my life... they see me as extremely strong, particularly faithful and the biggest encourager around who does not take things lightly. I was having a conversation with my friend of about 8 months and i said something about being overwhelmed... and he laughed. I wanted to know what was so funny because here I am being real with him about how i was feeling and he was laughing. Basically he said, I would never think you could get that way. I was like I am human too and I have those days where I just want to cry my eyes out.

Last week i had two over the top conversations via chat. And really it was just God speaking to me through these people. The first was with David, whom I had never spoken to before, nor did he know anything about me or where I was spiritually. All he knew was that I wanted to learn about prophecy. I figured it best to ask someone operating in the gift about it, made sense to me. one thing that stood out to me was God will always take care of the ministry part you never have to worry about what might come. I think sometimes I'm too hurry when God is telling me rest and wait. All God wants is a willing vessel. I had more questions than answers.

Shortly after I chatted with David, I had another over the top convo and it was so much that i really could not respond to it. I was just like ok God im listening. Pastor Chris told me, Oh yeah God is busy in my direction. I still go over those convos a lot because its a lot to chew on.

Shortly after that my sister and I got into this huge terrible argument. our fights somehow get worse everytime and I deal with it differently. there are lots of time i say a lot of things I don't mean but gosh its getting harder and harder.

I feel alone a lot of times, but I know im not ever alone. All of a sudden my friends are no where to be found and while this is what God wants it's still very painful. I know you are here Lord, and I am totally sold out for You